Best uses for “foregone conclusion”

• It’s a foregone conclusion that reading this will make you dumber.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that people who say “TGIF” should be punched in the nuts.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that pants suck.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that wearing capes makes you look like a nerd who has come from the future thinking capes are cool in our time.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that really tall people who drive Minis should be laughed at.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that Europeans are quietly mocking us with their speedo wearing.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that boring people are the ones who never know how to shut up.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll always be in the slowest lane in traffic, even if you switch lanes.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that someone will fart in the elevator you’re riding in someday.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that diarrhea will strike you at your girlfriend’s house or her parents’ house.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that half the things that made you angry today are stupid.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that your day could be much better without pants.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that the Taliban wear pants.  Should you?
• It’s a foregone conclusion that crime dog McGruff does not wear pants and how cool is he.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that throwing your pants across the bar next time you’re out drinking will make you the coolest guy in the room.  Especially if it’s cold in there.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that pants will revolt against us someday.  We must be prepared.
• It’s a foregone conclusion that if you get “pantsed” you’re first reaction is to be embarrassed.  This is what living in society has done to us.  Next time it happens, pause for just a moment, close your eyes and realize how free you have just become.

Here are some ways pants will try to disguise their true name:

• Trousers : Commonly spotted in English countries such as England and Canada, and rural farm communities in the upper midwest.
• Knickers : Many people have been fooled by pants calling themselves knickers, and been duped into wearing them with a false sense of security.
• Slacks : This group of pants are a high-falootin’ pompous bunch.  They dress themselves up to look fancy, enticing wearers with promises of prosperity and riches, only to be later arrested on Ponzi scheme charges, leaving their wearers bankrupt and impoverished.  Be very cautious of these pants.

It’s important to recognize these sneaky pants.  You must have a good eye, and a cautious nature when dealing with these varieties of pants.