The Pants Offensive

The No Pants Subway Ride in Minneapolis was a success.  The event took place Sunday, January 10th, on the lightrail from the Mall of America to downtown Mpls and back.  While I don’t have an official count, I would say there was up to 100 people that braved the 15 degree weather and donned their skivvies.

Here are a couple photos I shot (sorry that my bare legs are in there, although I am sporting some sweet Argyle socks and Jack Purcell’s).  I wish I could’ve taken more, but the event rules are that you must act normal and not call attention to the fact that people aren’t wearing pants.

The global event was started by ImprovEverywhere, and locally in Minneapolis it was organized by Plan B MN, who did a great job bringing order to the chaos.  Next year I hope to see many more experience the freedom of riding the subway sans pants!  All I can say is, “Down With Pants!!!”

More photos can be seen on Facebook from around the world.

It’s the worst when pants drug you by poisoning your beers.  Because beers are so tasty.  And pants are so evil.  This guy fell victim to one such attack.  One minute he was drinking beers and hitting on ugly girls.  The next minute he was taken advantage of by pants.  My only question is what happened to his other arm?  I bet pants took it to give high-fives to their other pants friends about the whole thing.  Stupid pants.  They’re so pompous like that.

You may think this is a scene from The Matrix of a guy dodging an array of bullets matrix-style being shot from a gas station refrigerator case.  But let me tell you the real story of what happened here.

This guy fell asleep on his couch after he came home from work.  While the TV was on, suddenly a screen full of static appeared and caused his pants to become possessed by Zuul and eggs to start cooking on his counter.  While he was still sound asleep, his Zuul-possessed pants walked him down to the local gas station, where it’s been rumored that a portal to Gozer exists behind the Mountain Dew refrigerator.

The photo captures the whole scene.  The dude was never heard from again, and Ray, Venkman, and Egon haven’t even been able to find him.

Yet another danger of wearing pants.  Definitely do not wear pants while watching Ghostbusters.  And be wary of secret Mountain Dew refrigerator portals lurking in your local gas station.

While Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab gets all the attention for his attempt to blow up the airplane bound for Detroit on Christmas day 2009, it’s less talked about that he had a brilliant evil-genius for an accomplice… Pants.

Pants were able to sneak in the explosive device and conceal it, inconspicuously ushering it past security checkpoints, metal detectors, K9 bomb sniffing dogs, and the casual unsuspecting public.

How did pants achieve this?  Because they have infiltrated our society.  Everyone is made to wear pants in some shape or form while flying.  If Umar had not been wearing pants, people would clearly have seen the explosive device hiding next to his twig ‘n berries before he even got on the plane.  “Hey, what’s that bomb doing in your underwear?”

Instead, pants brilliantly masterminded this attack attempt.  If no one was wearing pants, and Umar tried to wear pants to conceal the bomb, he would have been extremely suspicious and been searched by security for wearing pants.

The lesson here is, pants should be banned while flying because they are linked to terrorists.

The annual No Pants Subway Ride 2k10 is January 10th in cities all around the globe.  To find out more about the details in your location, go to this page to find the list:

http://improveverywhere.com/2010/01/04/global-no-pants-subway-ride-2010/

For those here in Minneapolis (beautiful warm sunny Minneapolis), here are the details:

The event is on Sunday, January 10th, 2010.

Be at The Mall of America’s transit station at or before 1:45pm on Jan. 10, 2010.

We will board the next available train at 2:00pm. After one or two stops, we will all drop the pants and ride in just you underwear. You are free to join us on OUR TRAIN at any station you choose. We will make one full lap from MOA to Downtown and back.  Be sure to act normal, like nothing is wrong.  Don’t call attention to your lack of pants.  Just act like nothing is out of the ordinary.

After the event, Join us for food and drinks in the mall at Ruby Tuesday, this will be our post-event meeting point, so if you get lost… look for us there!

Bring a backpack to shove your pants into or share with friends.

NOTE: ONLY SHOW UP IF YOU PLAN TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS, IF YOU DO NOT PLAN TO TAKE THEM OFF, DO NOT SHOW UP AT ALL. WE WILL HAVE A DEDICATED TEAM THERE TO TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS AND VIDEO OF THE EVENT. PICTURES WILL BE AVAILABLE ONLINE LATER, SO DO NOT COME JUST TO TAKE PICTURES.

LEGAL NOTE: You MAY NOT wear any revealing or “skimpy” clothes. If deemed too revealing, we will ask that you put your pants back on. This includes thongs, jock straps, ass-less chaps… Anything you would not wear to your grandmas…

Here are some photos from past years.