The Pants Offensive

Intense debate amongst developing nations and industrial superpowers came to a screeching halt on Tuesday as Climate Change spokesman Al Gore admitted pants are the cause of global warming.  In a statement by Gore “its simple, you wear pants, you feel warmer thus leading to a perceptively warmer climate”.

“Though the science behind Gore’s “pants warming theory” is debatable…it makes as much sense as his other retarded theories” as quoted in a statement by former Governor Palin.

Immediately following the news, NASA requested 2.3 billion dollars in stimulus money to study the effects of pants on polar bears.

Its a little know fact that in addition to murdering millions of Jews, minorities, and goats, Hitler desired genocide of all pants haters.  Hitler dreamt of a society of blond haired, blue-eyed, pants wearing “Super race”.  Hitler was also a vegetarian and had one nutt.  Leson to be learnd:  If you love pants and are a vegetation you are no better than Hitler.

Non-pants-wearers continue to be persecuted by pants-wearers.  In senseless acts of violence across the globe, non-pants-wearers are falling victim to increasing pants-attacks.

Pants-wearer senselessly attacking non-pants-wearer

Be extremely cautious when approaching pants-wearers.  Keep your guard up constantly and be ever vigilant.  The Pants Offensive will stop at nothing to continue safeguarding and seeking protection for fellow pants-haters.

Have you seen what pants do when you’re sleeping? Not only do they throw food and make big huge messes, they also like to pile furniture on top of you to see if you notice. Many times you don’t even realize it because they are very sneaky. And when you wake up you think the maid did it. You never suspect pants because they always are done before you wake up and sit there not saying a word.

i hate it when pants do this

This child clearly hates pants…he tried to flush them down the toilet thus ridding the world of his dastardly hip-huggers.  Though a child before his time, common sense appears to be lacking as he nearly flushed himself.  Whats even more disturbing is the box of files in the tub.