The Pants Offensive

Today is MLK day, honoring a man who had the courage to fight for his dream of freedom from the oppression and tyranny of pants.

We at TPO have uncovered a secret, alternative version of his famous speech.  One that the government didn’t want you to hear.  Here it is:

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, even those who don’t wear pants.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of non-pants-wearers and the sons of former non-pants-wearers will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom from pants and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by their choice to not wear pants but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor’s lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little boys and girls who don’t wear pants can frolic in the streets as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

Happy MLK day everyone.