The Pants Offensive

People, you may have heard.  You may have seen.  You may have felt it.  And you are right… pants are plotting their offensive against us all around the world.

Here you can see a group of sneaky pants scheming in their shifty ways to mastermind some sort of attack on us.

The CIA reports that they have undercover operatives attempting to infiltrate the pants clans and uncover their secret plans for jihad.

Nationwide, FBI and local law enforcement officials have posted alerts to citizens to be on the lookout for gangs of suspicious pants hanging out.  They stress the importance of notifying local authorities rather than trying to approach or instigate the pants in any way due to the gravity of the situation and the rising tension levels between pants and people.

What could they be up to?  According to our CTUPD (Counter Terrorist Unit Pants Division), pants are most likely plotting revenge for all the hungry cracks who try to eat them all the time.  Evidently the animosity over the hungry butt situation has been slowly mounting among pants for some time, and the anger and resentment has been stewing, waiting to ignite into an all out pants offensive.