The Pants Offensive

I recently had the opportunity to interview Mr. T, who shared his intimate feelings about pants.  Here are some excerpts from my interview.

Me : So, Mr. T, how do you feel about wearing pants?

Mr. T : Shut up fool!  I hate pants!  They make me mad!  I’m not wearing pants right now!  Don’t you get it?!  What kinda question you aksin me?!  How do I feel about pants… I ought to break you in half for sayin that!

Me : Whoa… Mr. T, please don’t get mad.  I can certainly tell you hate pants…

Mr. T : Pants make me constipated!!  That’s why I don’t wear em!  Shut up!  You think I like being constipated?!  No way!  You remember the A-Team?  Shut up!  Every day I had to wear pants!  And I just couldn’t take it!  Cuz I was constipatin’ on that!  Shut up!

Me : Is that a word?  Constipatin?

Mr. T : Shut up!  Don’t make me mad!

Me : Okay.  What advice can you give T.P.O. readers about pants?

Mr. T : Quit your jibber jabber!  Pants cramp you up!  Take it from me!  If you see ‘em, don’t put ‘em on!  Give ‘em a badass look like I hate you pants.  Shut up!

Me : I didn’t say anything.

Mr. T : I gotta poop right now!  Cuz pants ain’t blockin’ me!  Outta my way fool!

I apologize for the abrupt ending to the interview, but as you can see, he had to go take care of some business urgently.  Also, I apologize for the frequent use of exclamation points but T really does yell a lot.