The Pants Offensive

It has been confirmed that a new rampant string of mutant swine flu has been discovered in parts of the midwest.  Scientists have traced its origins back to a stinky pair of pants worn by a pig farmer in Iowa.  The CDC is looking to push nationwide legislation to immediately require the vaccination of all pants nationwide.  Skeptics argue that pants will still suck and that a national mandate will lead to blackmarket pants-dealing.